Last night, my friend Brian and I went to the Carrie Newcomer show at the Old Town School of Music. It was nice to have the time to sit in the car and to talk about what has been happening and basically catching up. We ate a wonderful Japanese restaurant and had some wonderful conversation. And then we heard Carrie sing.
First of all, I am a huge fan of Carrie Newcomer. Her music speaks to that which is unspeakable at times. She draws her audience in with her music, her words, and also her amazing presence. I got to meet her at a guitar camp last August and since that time, we have stayed in touch. She is a truly amazing singer-songwriter and just a lovely person. So to bring a friend to hear her share her amazing gift was truly amazing. Listening to her was like being in church for me. In fact I say that to most concerts I go to. Music has a way of lifting people to place beyond words, beyond the rational. Her music touched my very soul. She touched all that was in the audience.
Her last song was “Bare to the Bone.” And I have to say that this is by far one of my favorite songs. I cried as she sang about surrendering and placing her trust in God, revealing all of herself in a completely honest and vulnerable way. I found myself releasing my anxiety, my grief, my hopes, dreams, everything as she sang and her music filled the depths of my being. All the grief from the tragic events not only in our community, but the senseless deaths in the middle east, the shootings of school children in Chicago, the death and destruction that continues in Darfur, my hopes for peace and reconciliation, my fears about being a parent all came up. And I was the song for a moment, I was completely vulnerable to all of it.
As people applauded, I cried into my hands and tried to compose myself. The release of all these emotions felt so good, even if it was for just a short time, it felt extremely healing. It reminded me to be present to what I am feeling, to what I am holding in by the way I breathe.
During this season of lent, I have been working hard at remaining open to where the Spirit leads me. I know that I often flee from feelings that make me uncomfortable. But this season, I have been working on trying to live into those emotions, to feel the completely and then release them. As I do so, the darkness doesn’t feel as dark or as dangerous, but I know that it is a part of my life just as the feeling of light is a part of me.
After the show, I got some time to talk to Carrie, to catch up with her and to say hello. We have continued to stay in touch and I find her presence to be a light in the world for me. As she continues to pray for me, I continue to pray for her. I was reminded to be open again to the spirit.
What the spirit is telling me now is that I am tired. It is time for bed and I think that is where I will go. Breathe deeply and pay attention for if I do, I have a sense that miracles will not be hard to find!
A World of Dreams 