Legs of Concrete

The weather has been turning warmer and the snow is melting.  Yay!  It really makes me happy because this means I can be outside running again.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love exercising on my road bike that is hooked up to a trainer watching a few episodes of Coupling or Northern Exposure (what a great show Northern Exposure is).   But in reality, I am tired of the snow, I am tired of the shoveling, and I am grateful for the spring thaw!  Part of the reason I am so excited is that I can put in a new mailbox as well.  Our wonderful little mailbox met it match with the front of a plow.  Oh dear!

A few days ago, I started to go running again, outside.  Yes, I started pounding the pavement and to feel my heart pumping and my breathing labored.  And it felt really good.  To be outside and see the sun shining down, to hear the wonderful sound of snow melting and dripping down a drain, and to hear the voices of children playing outside again and the wonderful shout of “watch out mister” as a wayward baseball came flinging by my head.  Yes this was spring time.

Now I take a moment to digress, I knew I was old when a kid called me mister.   Yikes!

After 3 days of running, I have to tell you, my legs feel like concrete.  They feel like I have blocks of concrete on my feet as I take each plodding step.  After taking time to stretch out, I still feel the tightness of the muscles, and even though I am a little sore this week, I am so grateful to be outside again.  Kayla (our wonderful Golden Retriever), is so excited about the warming up.  She can’t wait to get outside!  And I can’t wait to feel the warmth of the sun on my face.

I have missed running.  I have missed putting on my ipod and listening to David Wilcox, LJ Booth, Leonard Cohen, Carrie Newcomer, Peter Mayer, John Mayer, Bert Jansch, John Renbourn as I pound out my anxieties and stress on the pavement.  And this week, even with legs of concrete, I feel a new birth again.  I guess that is all good as I also wait for the birth of our child.  So here’s to the feeling of legs of concrete.  What a wonderful feeling it is!

Being open to the Spirit

Last night, my friend Brian and I went to the Carrie Newcomer show at the Old Town School of Music.  It was nice to have the time to sit in the car and to talk about what has been happening and basically catching up.  We ate a wonderful Japanese restaurant and had some wonderful conversation.  And then we heard Carrie sing.

First of all, I am a huge fan of Carrie Newcomer.  Her music speaks to that which is unspeakable at times.  She draws her audience in with her music, her words, and also her amazing presence.  I got to meet her at a guitar camp last August and since that time, we have stayed in touch.  She is a truly amazing singer-songwriter and just a lovely person.  So to bring a friend to hear her share her amazing gift was truly amazing.  Listening to her was like being in church for me.  In fact I say that to most concerts I go to.  Music has a way of lifting people to place beyond words, beyond the rational.  Her music touched my very soul.  She touched all that was in the audience.

Her last song was “Bare to the Bone.”  And I have to say that this is by far one of my favorite songs.  I cried as she sang about surrendering and placing her trust in God, revealing all of herself in a completely honest and vulnerable way.  I found myself releasing my anxiety, my grief, my hopes, dreams, everything as she sang and her music filled the depths of my being.  All the grief from the tragic events not only in our community, but the senseless deaths in the middle east, the shootings of school children in Chicago, the death and destruction that continues in Darfur, my hopes for peace and reconciliation, my fears about being a parent all came up.  And I was the song for a moment, I was completely vulnerable to all of it.

As people applauded, I cried into my hands and tried to compose myself.  The release of all these emotions felt so good, even if it was for just a short time, it felt extremely healing.  It reminded me to be present to what I am feeling, to what I am holding in by the way I breathe. 

During this season of lent, I have been working hard at remaining open to where the Spirit leads me.  I know that I often flee from feelings that make me uncomfortable.  But this season, I have been working on trying to live into those emotions, to feel the completely and then release them.  As I do so, the darkness doesn’t feel as dark or as dangerous, but I know that it is a part of my life just as the feeling of light is a part of me.

After the show, I got some time to talk to Carrie, to catch up with her and to say hello.  We have continued to stay in touch and I find her presence to be a light in the world for me.  As she continues to pray for me, I continue to pray for her.  I was reminded to be open again to the spirit.

What the spirit is telling me now is that I am tired.  It is time for bed and I think that is where I will go.  Breathe deeply and pay attention for if I do, I have a sense that miracles will not be hard to find!

New Phone!

Well, I have been complaining about my phone a few blogs back.  I loved my treo 700, but it was doing some really weird, possessed actions.  It would freeze up in the middle of phone calls.  It would decide not to power on.  It would decide to make phone calls without me pushing a button (now that was weird).  I spent hours online looking for what to do.  I took time to call Palm Support and Verizon Support.  I took the phone in to see the tech people.  And after all that work, the phone still continued to act possessed.  I realized it was time for a new phone when in the middle of a conversation with a synod co-exec, the phone decided to shut down and reboot.  Not a good thing to happen when you are talking about finances.

So, with much fanfare, here is my new phone!

This is the Blackberry 8130.  It is a cute phone and the great thing about it is that it is as small as me!!  Okay, this is a little smaller around the waist, but in anycase, it doesn’t make random phone calls, it hasn’t shut down on me and rebooted, and it allowed me to have a long conversation with the Synod Co-Exec. without having to recall and explain what just happened!

Technology is great when it works and a pain in the rear when it doesn’t!  So with this little bit of hassle out of the way, I can now enjoy my time trying to figure out how this thing works.  So feel free to call me and who knows, we might actually be able to have a conversation!  How exciting!!

Waiting for warmer days

Okay, seriously, it is time for the weather to warm up just a little bit.  We got teased a few days ago with the weather reaching a very comfortable 50 degrees, but since then, the weather has turned cold and not very pleasant.  And where we live, the wind just blows and blows.  It makes for some really cold days with even colder wind chills.

On days like this, I try to cheer myself up by looking at pictures.  And one of the things I realized is that I never posted any pictures from our 10 year anniversary trip.  Karen and I went to the hills of Ashville, NC.  We spent our days hiking the trails of the Blue Ridge Parkway, sleeping, reading, and spending time in the hot tub.

Cute Little Cabin in the hill (with a hot tub on the front porch)

We would sit out on the porch of the cabin and watch the sunrise (okay, we actually never got up that early).  So we would watch the sunset and the moon rise over the mountains as we sat in the hot tub drinking a nice beer or glass of wine.  We would spend time eating wonderful food like cheese and crackers.

As you can tell, Karen was enjoying her “see-food”.  But really, the colors of the leaves on the trees were beautiful and this vacation gave us a space to just be.  It gave me time to write songs, to reconnect with nature, and to soak in the beauty of the place.

This definitely was God’s country.  And as you can tell, the colors were stunning.  So I wait for the springing of new life.   I wait for spring and for warmer weather.  And in the midst of that, I sit and enjoy my time with Karen.  This was our celebration for 10 years of marriage.  And I can’t wait for the next 10!

It is going to be an exciting ride!!  Thanks Karen!  Our life together is the greatest adventure to me!

Comfort Food!

Karen and I got a chance just to hang out tonight.  We went to dinner and some wonderfully good food.  And then we came home and we sat and watched a movie together.  This was our make up date from valentine’s day.  In a way, this evening was healing as we were able to connect and enjoy one another’s company without having to think about anything else.  It was comfort food all the way around.  Time to snuggle with Karen, watch a romantic comedy together, and be warmed by a fire.

These are small comforts we won’t have much of in a few months.  Not with a little one on the way, so I treasure these small moments together.  It fuels my spirit and for one evening, I can smile and bask in the gift of our relationship.  I think there was a moment in which we looked at each other and both said, “holy crap, I’ve known you for 20 years!”  Wow, and after all of that we are still going to have a kid.  That is crazy man!  Crazy!

Treo hell!

If anyone knows me, I love my electronic toys.  Yet the past week, my wonderful treo has been kicking my butt!  It has dropped calls, frozen up at least twice a day, and has made me waste more time than I would like to admit.  After unloading and loading all the information, things seemed to be doing okay.  And then today, in the middle of talking with the airline baggage office, the phone froze up.  Nothing worked.  Reset button.  Nothing. Taking the battery in and out.  Nothing.

I did manage to get it up and running again, but I am tired of it.  I have heard the same complaint from other treo users.  I got this phone to help me organize my life and to help me be more intentional, not to spend time trying to fix it.  Technology is supposed to make our lives easier, right?  I think not.

Lost Luggage

Karen’s luggage is gone.  It is the great mystery of the past week.  Neither of the airlines she flew has any recollection of where her luggage is.  It simply has fallen off the edge of the world.  The most frustrating thing about the whole process was the feeling of helplessness I endured.  Karen was in Guyana and I was here.  There was not much I could do to console her and the airlines were unresponsive (that is until I started acting like a complete jerk and then all of a sudden they were able to help me more). 

Isn’t that crazy?  The meaner, ruder, cruder you are to people, the more they are willing to help you out.  Yet, when I was nice and courteous, they were rude and unhelpful.  The reality is that they could not have helped us because the luggage is literally gone.  Replacing things is not that horrible.  Having to spend the time doing so…… well that is going to suck!

Karen made it home safely and I am glad that she is home.  I am glad to be with her, to be able to rub her growing belly and to whisper to our unborn child, “you are so grounded mister!”  Even more than this, I am glad that I get to be with a glowing wife who I adore and who is now home safe.  Lost luggage.  Ugh.    But there is nothing like the hug from your soulmate.  I am thankful for that.